It's been a long time..

This is a very hard post.

So it has been quite a while since my last post. Unfortunately, that is due to the fact that on March 13, my family lost someone very near and dear to our hearts. My father.

I got a call from the state police saying that he was being taken to the hospital. Of course we jumped in the car for the 1 hour trip to the hospital. When we got there, we were told that he had a massive heart attack and died instantly, despite my mothers valiant efforts to give him CPR. We are all devastated.

My dad was a great man. Oh sure, no one ever speaks ill of the dead but really, he was a wonderful man. He worked hard his entire life to take care of his family. Not just his wife and children but he was always there to help out other people as well. He was a giving person.

My parents would have been married 50 years this May. My mother of course is very sad. That is a long time to be married to someone, an oddity in this day and age. I can only hope and pray my marriage reaches that point.

My fondest memories growing up were our vacations to Chincoteague Va. Every single summer we would go there camping. We would load up in the truck pulling the pop-up camper. Us kids would get into the back of the truck. My parents would put mattresses in there and there was a cab on the back, but we would get so hot that the only thing we could do is go to sleep. But when we woke up, we would be crossing the bridge onto Chincoteague Island. And there we would go to the beach, go crabbing, swimming, fishing, run wild. It was great. It is something that me and my siblings now do with our own kids and my parents always join us. It will be very sad this summer without my dad, the grand kids pop-pop there to untangle the fishing lines, get the boat, steam the crabs, or a multitude of other tasks that he did. He did it without a complaint. He would just go and do what needed to be done. You know, there are not many men in this day and age who are like that any more. Men who will work more than one job just to support their families. Now they complain about too much work, too little money, & not enough time to play with friends. Not my dad though. He never complained. We will all truly miss him.

One thing that helped me immediately after his death was planning the funeral. My friend Laura sent me the funeral program she used for her dad and that was a huge help because I was able to use it as a guide. It was healing planning the scripture and music. It is amazing how having the viewings and going through those motions really do help the family get through that period.

It is amazing how much an email, phone call, cards, etc. helps you get through something like the death of a parent. Just the outpouring of support from friends and family who basically fed us for a week was amazing. We literally would not have had food for all of us at my moms because we were all there. My sibs, our spouses and kids. Mikes family was amazing. They made so much food. His one sister gave us a bag full of breakfast foods. Bagels, yogurt, coffee, etc. So thoughtful. Another sister prepared a huge platter of chicken tenders and broccoli/rice casserole. Seriously, without that food we would have probably been eating cereal.

I had friends from facebook come to the funeral parlor. That was shocking because we only recently reunited online and I haven't seen some of them since 1980! I am truly blessed with the number of friends and family that I have.

Another thing, a revelation of sorts I had. In the day or two after my dad died, we had to go to the store for clothes and food. I was walking around literally in shock. I noticed though that people were really nice to me. Strangers. You know how sometimes you go to the store and the cashiers are just rude? Well everyone we encountered was nice. I really appreciated that. I know they didn't know and were just doing their jobs but it made things so much easier. Anyway, I realized when I was going through that that we truly do need to always remember that we should treat people with compassion and treat them as we would want to be treated. That we need to really take care of each other. Even strangers. We don't know what kind of pain they may be in at any given moment. I am usually nice in public but I am going to make an effort to be nicer, more tolerant. I guess it just made me think we all need to be more compassionate all of the time, even to perfect strangers. Or maybe especially to strangers.

My father loved his grandchildren like you wouldn't believe. They truly were the light of his life. When we were growing up, he worked 2 and 3 jobs so that we could go to private schools and on vacation each year. We did not see him as much as my kids see their father. But with his grandchildren, he was very involved. One of the things I am saddest about is the loss of that relationship not only for the kids but for him as well because he was truly enjoying his life. I know this sounds hokey, but when i think of him in heaven, I picture him holding a chubby little baby, his grandchild, the baby I lost. It has truly brought a peace for me in relation to the miscarriage. I believe that we will be together again with our lost babies and it brings me peace that my baby is there with my dad. And also makes me happy because he still has one grandchild to be with until we are all together again.

Another thing, I lost some of my faith after my miscarriage. Well, Mikey and Caitey's bus driver wrote a long card to us about how glorious heaven is and how even though we miss him, he is 30 years old and healthy and happy again. I like to believe that she is correct. It has made me think more about the fact that we are all on a journey and the destination is heaven. Dad is there now with his parents, siblings and the baby. That makes me happy.
So there you have it.

My sad update. I will try to get on and post more. I want to put some pictures of the kids and my dad so look for them in the coming days. Until next time....

Sometimes you should just sit back and relax...

So it is spring break and you know, I am all for sitting around relaxing. Watching TV, eating bonbons...The whole nine yards. But really, sitting around in your dusty cluttered family room is no fun. You are sitting there all fat and happy with your bonbons(what exactly are bonbons?) with the knowledge that there is no school so I don't have any assignments due. I don't have any exams to study for. You can just relax. For one glorious week I can pretend that I am not in school and don't have to worry about upcoming exams, papers, labs, etc. I can just pretend that I am a regular
run -of- the -mill mother who sends her offspring off to school every morning then has the luxury to work out, clean, cook, shop, have lunch with the girls, visit Starbucks, read a book for pleasure, volunteer...You get the picture. But no, I am not that mother. I am a mother who because of some bad decisions early in life, am now returning to school. College in your 40's, even very early 40's, sucks. OK so back to today. Today I decided I am going to move all of the furniture and clean behind it. I am going to wipe down the base boards and get rid of some clutter and dust and vacuum under sofas. And while I am under the sofas, get rid of all the crap that I push under there when company is coming and I don't want them to see it. Don't act all high and mighty like you don't do that. I know you do. OK, so if you don't you are not normal. Whatever. So I am moving my bookcase and what happens? I will tell you what happens. It fell, tipped over, right onto the front of my big screen TV. Now I would be lying if I didn't admit that for a second, I was hoping it was the end of the big screen because I would love to get a smaller screen TV for our family room. But that was like, only a split second. Because truly, it is a great TV and we can't afford to replace it right now and if we could replace it, I would like to move it to the basement. So I am pretty much bummed to see my bookcase denting the front of my TV. In fact, I am pretty sure I may have cursed. A lot. But it still works and we will deal with the scratch, green mark and slight rippling effect you now have when you watch the TV. Most of it still looks Great though so I am thinking all is well until I go to vacuum and spill an entire glass of iced tea all over the table, floor and of course, my pile of library books. I rescued the library books before the tea had a chance to get on the pages. Luckily they were hard bound books. So again, all is well in my world. But tomorrow,I am not cleaning. It just isn't worth it.

Food for thought...

I haven't had much to say about the new administration. I have been trying to sit back with my mouth shut and hope and pray that the disaster, bail out plan, spending plan is actually going to work. But really, it isn't going to work. We have never been in a more dire situation than we are right now and it infuriates me. I am mad because the MSM(main stream media) refuses to report what is actually happening. They sugar coat and gloss over EVERYTHING OBAMA because they want, hope, pray, that Obama is the savior. But he is not. He is ruining this country. And if I hear one more time that he inherited this mess I think I may shoot my head off. He is an asshole. Pure and simple. Sorry Obama supporters. Those of you who thought he was going to save the nation. You banked on the wrong person and all he is doing is making matters worse. If you cant see it yet, you will soon. ANd if you dont admit it, it is because you are too proud to admit that he is a disaster. IF the tables were turned. If it were republicans pulling the shit the dems are pulling, the shit would be hitting every fan in the country. But because Obama is the "messiah" they give him a pass. Whatever. It is nuts. There is so much going on in that administration that should not be happenening that it is incredulous. I sit back on a daily basis and wonder, what the hell is happening in this country? I know most of you out there probably have no idea what is going on beyond what you hear on the MSM who by the way have an agenda so you will only see reported what they want you to see. I dare you to just put any of the stories to the republical test. If a republican was said to have evaded paying his taxes, would he still be heading the IRS? Um, no! Etc. It goes on and on. Look, I am sure there are plenty of crooked republicans out there. But that doesnt make it right to give a pass to the crooked dems. You can blame what you want on Bush, and I have plenty to say about that, but the past couple of years that he was president, the dems were in control(and that is when the economy started on its road to a shit in a hand bakset). There is very little that the president on his own can control. He needs the house, the congress, senators, etc. backing him/ Bush did not have that but Obama does. And that scares the crap out of me.

Spring Break!

You wouldn't believe how good my house smells right now. I am making meatballs in the crockpot. Spaghetti night tonight, you know, our typical Monday night dinner. But wow, it smells wonderful!

I am impressing myself this first day of Spring Break because I have gotten so much accomplished today.

1. made 60 homemade meatballs. Froze half, other half cooking.
2. cleaned entire first floor including floors and laundry room and half of the garage.
3. submitted my financial aid forms for next year.

OK so I guess that is it but it did take me the better part of the day and really, that's enough isn't it? I plan to spend the rest of the day with my feet up reading. Reading a book for pleasure. Not a school book!

So menu for the week

Monday: Spaghetti and meatballs, salad
Tuesday: Chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, spinach
Wednesday: meatball Hoagies, potato chips, sliced peaches(that we canned over the summer)
Thursday: pork chops, scalloped potatoes, spinach
Friday: fish sticks and oven fries for kids, adults going to traveling dinner party
Saturday: Homemade pizza
Sunday: Beef roast, mashed potatoes, corn, spinach

Monday, Monday....

So it is Monday and that means menu plan Monday. I know you have been waiting with bated breath for this post. But before I get to the menu, just a little public service reminder...

If you drop shoe string potato fries into your oven. And if a bunch of them fall through the crack at the bottom of your oven to where the fire is produced. They will catch on fire and fire will shoot up through the crack and you will take pause. Yes you will. You will stand there looking at your kitchen quickly filling with smoke. You will hear your children and maybe even a neighbor kid upstairs playing. And you will ponder. Do I call the kids down and shove them outside? Do I call 911? Do I dump water on it? Is it a grease fire? You know you do not want to dump water on a grease fire because you saw that video that circulated on the Internet 2 years ago where someone dumped water on a grease fire and the grease exploded all over them. You realize this does not apply to your situation since your fire is not in a pot of grease. Does the fact that the french fries were fried in a deep fryer before you put them in the 200 degree oven(to stay warm not catch on fire) qualify them as a grease fire? No.

So if this happens to you, first turn off the oven. Second get a cup of water and throw it down the crack and onto the flames shooting out of the crack. It is probably best to not waste any time pondering all that other stuff beforehand because really, who needs their entire house smoked up smelling like burned french fries? Oh and the kids upstairs? I probably should have called them down and shoved them outside. But they smelled the burning french fries and thought it smelled good so whatever. The fire didn't get out of hand. Nothing was damaged so all is well in the world. But you never know, it could happen to you too. So I just thought I would give you a heads up. French fries are dangerous!

OK so on to the menu.

Monday: Spaghetti with Italian sausage, garlic bread & Caesar salad
Tuesday: Elk meat sloppy Joe's, oven fries(yea I know-tempting fate)
Wed: crock pot venison stroganoff, noodles, salad
Thursday: homemade pizza night
Friday: Lent- so salmon in a butter/dill sauce, mac n cheese, salad, crusty bread and herb butter
Saturday: brats with sour kraut or corn dog depending on your level of maturity, sweet beans
Sunday: I have no idea. Maybe we will go to Mom and Dads for dinner. :)